I Really Hate My Dumb Job

I’m frequently told what a great voice I have, and that I should have been on the radio. Personally, I don’t think so, but it’s really flattering when I hear it. Enough so that I’ve considered (I’m considering?) doing a podcast of my own one day. I’m procrastinating on it though. I haven’t come up with a good enough topic yet.

Anyway, when I hear this from people, I’m reminded of the time I actually did audition for radio and was selected. But in the end, it wasn’t quite what was advertised.

If you’re old enough, you might remember hearing a spot on the radio in the mid to late ‘80’s that had a line “I really hate my dumb job” in it. I wish I could find a reference somewhere on the internet, but haven’t been able to yet. I recall it running in a heavy rotation for a while, and dreamed of trying out myself one day.

After quitting a stable job to grow my hair long and become a heavy metal rockstar in Hollywood during those years (that’s a whole different post), I was looking for ways to make extra cash. They call it a side hustle these days. Back then it was just called keeping myself from starving. I called the number from the ad and signed up for the next round.

A couple weeks later, I made the hour drive to Hollywood on a rainy winter day. The address was on one of those sketchy side streets off Hollywood and Vine – somewhere you wouldn’t dare go these days. I remember having trouble finding parking, but eventually did and made my way to the space to where they were holding auditions. I was a few minutes late thanks to the weather.

This was a typical Hollywood cattle call scene that had all sort of hopefuls in one big room hoping for a shot at a thing. Interesting was the word I’d use. If there was ever a place for people watching, this had to be it. There were all kinds of weirdos.

They gave their spiel about the process, hyping what a great opportunity this was. Blah, blah, blah. Then they herded us into small booths to do two spots each. We had to come up with our own dialogue. I vaguely recall doing a spot I’d heard on one of the local stations. I can’t remember what I did for my second spot. I do remember we got a cassette tape of our recordings.

After getting through all of us, they called the names of everyone who passed the audition. The rest were dismissed. Surprisingly, 80% of the crowd was good enough to be on the radio! A pretty incredible number if you ask me.

That’s when we got to hear the rest of the spiel…

The real gig was to record several 10-30 second spots to go on obscure stations nationwide. The kicker of it all? We had to pay for our own booth time, and there was no pay for the spot running. But hey, it was a “great opportunity” to break into radio!

Hearing this, I noped out immediately. I was disappointed it turned out to be yet another Hollywood pay-to-play type gig. As a musician, I had enough of those already. I wasn’t going to fall for another one.

So, that’s the story of how I almost ended up on the radio. It was an interesting experience and makes for a good story whenever someone tells me what a great voice I have.

But sometimes I wonder if it might’ve gone somewhere if I’d opted in…